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GOD
COMMITS SUICIDE 
By: Assan Vaswani "Majboor" Address: Cover Page Design : Mukesh Tilokani Published on
Internet Year of Publication (December) 2006 @All rights including the rights to translate or to reproduce this book or parts thereof except for brief quotations are reserved with author. Book is available with Author &
Price : $10 (US) (Outside India) |
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INTRODUCTORY remarks on god commits suicide God Commits Suicide is a brave collection of poetry by Assan Vaswani. Do not be misled by the title: his commitment to and desire for a spiritual power is evident, as well as his genuine admiration for mankind. One theme that runs through this collection is the notion that modern times have brought modern disasters, and humanity has committed a magnitude of merciless acts in the name of god. Vaswani brings this to the readers' attention in an audacious manner: He wants to shake things up- encourage us to think He writes with great vigor and self-knowledge that it is not a crime against god to question him, to consider the end of him. The crime is, rather, what humankind does to one another - most frequently in the name of god. Vaswani's particular signature is exemplified in his tender moments of questioning, as in the poem "Illegitimate Child," wherein he askes," ...Is man an angel?" Gentle queries such as this are present througout his book. His desire to narrow the gap between what is known and what is believed separate him from other voices who cry for signs of a higher power, who bleed in the name of the name of the word "God," who follow a malevolent translation of a holy book. It is this poet's belief that humankind is an earthly manifestation of god; that the terrible mistakes of religious and political leaders are tragic landmines set out by a god who is worshipped by the perpetrators as well as the victims. This is an irony Vaswani clearly understands and suggests we pay close attention to. The question is, should God have known better than to have entrusted us with the power of self-determination, freedom to strive, freedom to serve. Has humankind maligned the spirit in which GOd has set up this world? Yes, yes and yes. Vaswani writes,: ..God has been created/to give mental prop to humans/so that they can forget the truth/about their own helplessness/and nobodiness..." The notion of "nobodiness," is startling, rich, and original. The direct and unapologetic attitude is not soapbox chatter but an unabashed expression of dismay at how things have turned out. Assan Vaswani is a purposeful writer, realistic and accessible. He says what so many of us dare to whisper in a dark hour of despair. What a refreshing collection of poems written by a man who faces his doubts but who nevertheless communicates with authority, tenderness and a lack of self-importance. "God Commits Suicide" is a quest to discover by inquiry, as a child would, when the world seems too complex, too uncertain, too baffling. Vaswani's voice and mood are open, unfaird. Carine Topal, Torrance, California March 20, 2006 |
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1. A REQUEST Kindly |
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2. REBELLION Oh God ! I don’t want to pray or worship because I don’t need your indulgence nor compassion, neither forgiveness nor any favour. If I’ve done any misdeed I merit apt punishment and I must get it in full measure. I’ll never approach you for reducing the punishment or for reprieve. I’ll not resort to flattery nor supplication on that account. I am ready to undergo punishment without any protest. Let your punishment even if patently harsh, be the strong evidence of your impartial governance. Please don’t mind when I say that I don’t need a temple a mosque, a church a synagogue, a gurdwara or any other place of worship, as all these are acclaimed as your holy abodes where people come to pray and cringe for forgiveness. I for one do not need it. I don’t need your indulgence nor compassion neither forgiveness nor any favour. All I need is your impartial judgment and strong governance. |
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3. A DIP IN THE HOLY RIVER From times immemorial the sinners have been arriving here from far - off places to bathe at the bank of this holy river. After washing themselves clean of their numerous sins and becoming absolutely sinless, they have again accumulated some more sins and have once more, by bathing earned blessing from the benevolent river. It seems the tradition of sinning and subsequent absolution on receiving blessings has been here for a very long time, else why should sinners come here so often for a holy dip ? My fear is that the waters of this holy river once sparklingly pure - have been so much mudied by the dirt of sins that I shouldn’t dare take bath there anymore else the dumped sins of worshippers may rise to the surface and overwhelm my conscience completely. |
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4. GREAT MEN HONOURED Many centuries back a great man named Gautam Buddha was born. He was a fountain of compassion He propounded a new philosophy based on non-violence, piety and pity. Under its influence the people began shunning hatred strife and ill-will, there was an atmosphere of love and fellow-feeling. But this didn’t continue long, the show was short - lived. Buddha died and along with his dead body his principles too were cremated by his numberless enthusiastic disciples. There have remained of course his pagodas, statues and elaborate worshipping with incense and aplomb. After a very long period A poor man Christ was born. He was an apostle of peace and kindness which he preached where ever he went. He wanted humans to be humane in the real sense. But he was not allowed to reform the world. His opponents stopped him short, he was arrested and imprisoned and ultimately crucified. After his death, his numberless enthusiastic disciples buried him, along with his principles. There have remained ofcourse his churches, statues and elaborate worshipping with incense and aplomb. And not long ago A great man Gandhi was born in India He was an apostle of truth and Ahimsa. He brought in revolution in the minds of people, there was an upsurge of new sensibility. But this didn’t continue for long. He was shot dead in the broad day-light. And his numberless enthusiastic disciples while mourning his death cremated his body and principles together. There have remained of course his statues, his books and elaborate worshipping with incense and aplomb. |
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5. God Commits Suicide That man is very old he has completed one hundred years, his physical strength is low but his eyes have a strange shine and rather unusually his brain is unimpaired. Through out his life he has been seeking an answer to his question from saints, sages, sanyasies priests, pirs, pontiffs and philosophers but every where the answer hasn’t been a straight one. It has been circuitous and full of cliches and conditionalities. As a result, there has been emergence of many more questions, rather than answers. The old man puts his question simply thus : Human being doesn’t know why he is born in this world, neither does he know why death is inevitable for him. Then why such kind of ignorant creature has been created after all ? If it is a strategy who, in that case, is the strategist ? The old man is anxious to have interface with God to get a reply from Him a clear and an unambiguous reply a direct and straight reply without any ifs and buts. Having come to know his query God is frightened. He doesn’t want to meet the old man, much less argue with him. The old man is alive and will remain so until God ordains otherwise. He has completed hundred years Yet there are no signs of his imminent death. But, on this side of the fence the old man is also frightened. His fear is based on the possibility of God committing suicide out of remorse, repentance and desperation. And, in case that happens what would be the fate of humans including he himself who have no knowledge of their beginnings and are ignorant about the end aswell ? |
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6. INVENTING NEW RELIGION For many centuries now the ancient religions —- Hinduism, Christianity, Islam Taoism, Confucianism, Shanto have been in existence just for name. I don’t know why ? The names Of Vedic Rishis, Christ, Mohamed Zorastra, Buddha, Moses are being formally uttered I don’t know why ? When human race has made so many strides towards inventing numberless new concepts, new objects and new institutions the invention of a new religion wouldn’t have been that difficult. It seems the human beings aren’t interested in inventing the new religion or, may be they don’t find any need of it. They find it expedient to allow continuance of old faiths as they provide some ossified ideals which, every body knows are but a facade behind which the criminals among them continue their nefarious activities and flourish. Why should they bother about new religion when the going is good otherwise ? |
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7. GOD REPENTS I created man after a long gestation to make him the crown of creation, so that he brings new light on the earth, so that he brings beauty and fragrance there. He was given the earth as dwelling place where there’s everything in plenty. Gold, silver and other precious metals are in abundance. The food and fruits are sufficient to feed billions of people. But the tragedy is : some humans are overfed some go hungry, some children are plump and ruddy some are emaciated and pale. Further, they manufacture war-weapons and are plotting to kill one another. They fight on earth, in air and on sea and laugh at the deaths of their foes. They think it is their big success. They have divided earth among themselves as if it were their personal property. Or in the name of religion they slay the young and the aged alike. When I mull over the present plight of earth I repent for having created the humans who are good-looking and clever for sure but are totally devoid of wisdom and compassion. |
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8. HUMAN BEING — A CLEVER ANIMAL Human being is a clever animal. He has adopted many strategies for self-delusion. He pretends to be ignorant while he knows the reality very well. He pretends as if he has no knowledge while he has full knowledge of the happenings. He is groping in the dark like a sightless person. He doesn’t know anything about God nor did his forefathers know yet he continues to chant God’s name and say ever and anon that God is the creator God is very merciful God is pure God is omnipresent God is omnipotent God is destroyer of wicked people etcetera. In truth God is the creation of human mind and all the attributes of God are also human inventions. God has been created to give mental prop to humans so that they can forget the truth about their own helplessness and
nobodiness. the name of God and treat that inane repetition as a great prayer which is in effect a futile exercise. Further, the human being is after all human, he has committed many errors and is likely to commit more errors hereafter. It is said by wise men that to realise the truth about our mistakes is the beginning of wisdom. Here, in the case of human being, this realisation is totally absent. On the contrary, the human being thinks that God being compassionate, all his earlier and present faults have been condoned and those of the future would also be treated likewise. Hence he isn’t worried about his mistakes isn’t worried about his misdeeds. For him, no oppression is unjust no crime merits punishment no devilish deed will attract penalty since God is omnipresent God is always there to forgive God is always there to condone mistakes. Om Shanti …….. Om Shanti …….. Om Shanti Shanti …….. Shanti …….. Shanti.
* * * (Let
there be peace, let there be peace, let there be |
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9. MY REGRETS On witnessing an unknown person’s dead body being taken to cremation-ground Gautam Buddha was set into deep thinking. His heart was filled with so much sorrow that he renounced the worldly pleasures and went into the woods to find out an answer as to why every person ultimately dies. Even the death of a stranger disturbed his mind and brought about revolution in his life. Later, he became a great person a great thinker a great guide and a great philosopher. On my side I have witnessed many a dead body being taken to cremation ground and have joined the mourners’ processions going there, I have seen my own kith and kin near and dearones disappear before my very eyes from this world, yet I’ve never given a thought to renouncing the world nor have I any further plan to retire to the woods for meditation. I have developed an odd habit of considering a dream as reality and a reality as dream. My blind faith, based on myths, is that man is immortal he lives innumerable lives death destroys his body only his soul does’nt perish there’ll he resurrection / restoration etcetera - all no more than wishful thinking. As a consequence I have failed to become a great person I have failed to become a great thinker I have failed to become a great guide and I have failed to become a great philosopher. |
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10. EXODUS FROM HEAVEN Devas and Devies of Heaven are all angry with God. What great attraction now remains in this erstwhile sought - after Heaven ? They argue: ‘Life is more comfortable for earthly humans than for us. Our living conditions are veritably abominable spiceless and inglorious.’ Our houses are not airconditioned. We haven’t got multichannel TVs No continuous musicals No mobiles No blue films No all-revealing sex sports. There’s scarcity of fast foods hamburgers, hotdogs, cookies beers, whiskies, wines. There’s no champagne no English scotch no Russian Vodka. What we get is the same ‘Som Ras’ — which has neither taste nor flavour. For eating we continue to get same ambrios of olden times. We don’t get tandoori roties basmati rice, shish kebab or surmai fish. We can’t continue life in this atmosphere of total boredom. We request you humbly Oh great God that we be permitted to emigrate from the Heaven to Earth. God (in spiritual meditation) opened this eyes briefly and gave a serious thought to the problem in hand and replied thus : I’m in full agreement with you as regards poor living conditions in Heaven. I have already been mulling this issue for quite some time now. Let me tell you in confidence that I have already sent my request to the Earth authorities for emigration If you also submit such applications I would , without any resentment or rancour forward them to that place. Hari Om Tat Sad Hari Om Tat Sad Amen. |
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11. IN SEARCH OF IMMORTALITY It seems while searching for immortality and working hard for its attainment I shall soon happen to die. You all folks will bury me in the churchyard. Some would at that time shed tears some would place flowers on my grave so that my troubled soul may rest in peace. But after some period I would feel as if I had never been born. The world would be full of laughter, the spring as usual would arrive, and there would be flowers blooming in the garden, but there wouldn’t be any where even trace of my existence. None would have my new address since my soul, as if in exile, would still be wandering from one country to another in search of that damned immortality. |
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12. Maskman To Conceal my innate ugliness and misdemeanour I put on a mask, but the devilish original was showing. I went on putting mask after mask. In the Process I became a super masked man, I could then breathe easy. But of late I have developed a craze for unmasking myself and this is not an easy task. I feel tired and exhausted as the masks are hard to remove - they are so much stuck up with my body and soul. They have been fed on the blood of my real self. They're now loth to leave the state of license and luxury. I don't know when this conflict of real and counterfeit is to end, or may not end after all, and become an incurable ulcer causing me incrutiating pain through out my life. |
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13. HUMAN-A DISOWNED BEING In the train a lone child is sitting at the corner of the bench. Sometimes he smiles some times he becomes sombre sometimes he’s on the verge of weeping. I give him a lollipop he is surprised and his face lights up spontaneously. But after a pause the same innocence and the same seriousness return to him. He told me he had been travelling that way from times immemorial, alone and alone like a homeless vagrant. He didn’t know who his parents were, nobody had ever craddled him in the arms nobody had ever kissed his lips. The feeling of being an alien is now a permanent feature of his life. This has become a lasting aspect of his inexplicable existence. I, as a poet, am totally puzzled. I have failed to find any satisfactory clue to this unsolved puzzle. Is this an instance of extreme ignorance or a climax of some spiritual enlightenment ? None-the-less congratulation to his mum and dad for discarding their child and freeing themselves from the responsibilities of bringing him up. |
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14. SINNING AND FORGIVING A person was caught while committing sin for the first time. He was brought before God. He expressed regret and pleaded for forgiveness. He promised he wouldn’t repeat that action thereafter. God was satisfied and let him go. But after a few days the same person was caught while committing the sin the second time. He again, before God, pleaded for forgiveness and promised not to repeat the offence thereafter. God was again impressed by his seeming sincerity and ordered his release. The person was very pleased on being shown mercy. Again for the third and fourth time, also the fifth and the sixth time and so on ad infinitum the person got caught in the act of sinning but continued to plead with merciful God who forgave him every time. At last God lost patience and asked the person as to when would he stop committing the sin. The person While folding his hands, said namastey, fell at the feet of God and kissed them with reverence. He added : Oh the most revered Almighty ! better you fulfil your own obligation and I fulfil mine. It seems I shall not refrain from sinning and you shall not refuse me forgiveness. |
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15. ILLEGITIMATE CHILD When the great biologist Charles Darwin tried to prove that man is not much different from other animals of the earth, the staunch believers of various religions lost their sleep complete. They tried to remind us about ‘Adam’ and ‘Eve’ or ‘Adam’ and ‘Bibi Hawa’ or ‘Manu’ and Shridha’. They emphasised that the kingdom of God covers the entire globe from east to west and from north to south. They also proclaimed that man is an exceptional creation of God, man is never subject to mutations, he is God’s beloved child and an integral part of His. But strange enough, God has never openly endorsed this view anytime. At this end man is anxious to declare himself as son of God and wants to appease Him. Hence he has built many temples churches and mosques in His honour where he has made arrangement for prayers and His glorification. Yet the creation problem has remained unsolved as ever. But now this tangle should the resolved at the earliest as this intimately concerns the origin and race of the man, this is the question of his prestige and pride. Is man an angel ? Is he a devilish creature ? Is he a legitimate son of God ? Or is he an illegitimate creature altogether ? |
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16. SEPARATION OF SOULS You and I your ‘self’ and my ‘self’. I am so much close to you bodily that I’m able to hear very clearly the soft sound of your breathing your lips have stuck tightly to mine like a thirsty human who hasn’t drunk water for years but later wants to empty the entire river of its flowing water in one single draught. The mysterious hunger has rolled our two bodies into a single one. What after all this signify ? Is it sex ? Is it passion ? Is it love ? or is it something else ? As I see it it’s an instinct of getting united, and then getting separated. It’s a dream dreamt by an awakened person. It’s a temporary writing on water that’s rushing towards the shores of non-existence.
We’re not one soul, we’re very much separate from each other. You and I have met here only by chance. The differences between souls are here immense and incalculable, the gulf between two souls is never bridgeable during this life time or in future. Not withstanding this why is there so much joy in our physical union and why is there so much sorrow when we are physically separated ? This, to me, is yet a mystery that is unresolved as of now. Some times I begin to think whether we humans are simply puppets dancing to the tune of some clever hidden puppeteer who is the sole Master of this Cosmic Show. |
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17. NEW EPOCH The new inventions of science have well-nigh eliminated the distances between one country and the other, Earth space is mere a formality shown in the geographical maps. Humans live now so close that any one stretching an arm finds many a person in his/her embrace. We all humans are linked and connected so much that it is difficult to distinguish between a compatriot and a foreigner. Our life on this planet Earth may be more comfortable than there—in the so-called Heaven. Even angels and their supreme boss, God may feel tempted to come down and stay with us for good. But there’s a condition that-humans reject their old mind-set, that they reject old anachronistic beliefs and traditions, that they say good-bye to ossified brain, and write a new chapter in the history of human progress and human fellowship. |